Jumping over a quarter

One of my favorite memories of Dad.  I'm a little kid and maybe it was a simple question he asked at first – whether or not I thought I could jump over this quarter he was holding in his hand.  Which then extended into an “Are you sure/Are you willing to bet me?” proposition. 

At the time, this just seemed like an impossible to lose situation. Of course I thought I could do it.  Guaranteed.  I forget if I even had an allowance back then of like 25 cents a week, or 50 cents a week, I can’t recall exactly how much it was, but it wasn’t a lot. He asked me if I was willing to bet a dollar, then two, then five, then ten, each query of his met with a resounding and enthusiastic full speed ahead doggone it yes, I’m gonna make some money, yes. I was in a no lose situation.
 
The story could have ended up where I would have lost $10 or more, which was a ton of money to me at the time, but I didn’t because Mom simply wouldn’t let him take my wager. Which would  have taken me a year to five years of my life at my allowance rate back then to pay off. With whatever amount we ended up agreeing on, the bet was made, and the challenge commenced. 

It was at that point that Dad laughed and casually and matter of factly walked up to a corner of all places, and laid the quarter up against the wall in a corner so it was impossible for me to jump over it. And it was in this way, at times - Dad taught his kids. He used to stress that actions spoke louder than words. 

His actions in that moment were speaking loudly life’s truths - without being encumbered by words. The subtext of the moment spoke loud and clear. Life may not be fair, but in every moment, don’t just listen to what people are telling you. Be able to move beyond your assumptions .. and above all young man – remember there might be angles that you don’t see.

Passing

Clinical depression sucks. I've think I've been parked there for a while now. Of course, even prior to Dad's passing. Been a couple months now since that. Seeing your parent pass before your eyes just hits you like that proverbial punch in the stomach. 

He was Hawaiian, Chinese, Portuguese, German. Whipsmart funny, and crazy.  He adopted me and gave me the gift of a family. If there's a recurring prayer, it's that God adopted him as well.  We have to go to Hawaii later this year for services.

Been in a cocoon type of depression over a number of things around that. I started to research topics like prayer for the dead, shortly after his passing in October. 

Summer basil

Earlier in the spring I had planted some small basil plants that were maybe the size of my hand, or a bit larger. What a difference a few months has made! I have a row of these huge basil plants right now. Asking me where the tomatoes and olive oil are, ha! Perfect to add to pizza, or tomato, mozzarella, and egg on toast. They started to flower a bit. I had heard that you can't eat basil after it flowers, but then I couldn't find any confirming information on that one way or the other.  I think you do need to take out the flowers, though, as it may be a little bit more bitter after flowering. What to do in winter. Hmm.

Mayne Island

Nice acoustic setting out in British Columbia.

Insight

“Every one says forgiveness is a lovely idea, until they have something to forgive ... And then, to mention the subject at all is to be greeted with howls of anger.”

-C.S. Lewis 

Paradox

“We must believe in free will. We have no choice.”

-Isaac Singer 

Amour

Wow. I went to watch Amour last night. You are reminded of so many difficult to confront truths. Old age ain't for sissies. Dying is a messy affair. I hadn't given much thought to euthanasia in the last so many years, but the film confronts this, slicing across the grain of the situational cinematic slow bleed - in a swift, jarring, and unsettling moment.  A failure of love? Yes.  Could I do that, for another human being, in agony? I shudder to think of it.

I had to wonder, after watching it, is this really what God intended for us all? A personal, disintegrating, and pain filled incapacitation? It can't be. I think I was in tears at several points throughout the film. There were moments in the film, aside from the main theme, that actually worked, in a way - to highlight the absurdity of death - the elderly husband chasing a pigeon around their Paris apartment as his wife slips away.

Bach’s "Ich ruf zu dir, Herr Jesu Christ" played a small part in the film. A part of which lyrically goes:  "True faith from Thee, my God, I seek, The faith that loves Thee solely. Keeps me lowly, And prompt to aid the weak."  Given the shocking storyline, that was either irony - or a missed opportunity to grasp on the part of the husband. I didn't think the film endorsed euthanasia any more than the story of Romeo and Juliet defended suicide. A tragedy. Heavy. Very heavy.

Gif of the Magi

An amazing student film and job well done by some Russian University students I happened on a while back.  One of the greatest short stories.  A beautiful illustration of what relationships can be all about. Giving. Happy Valentine's Day.

Up in the air

 Hmm.  I want to have a day like that! 

American Beauty

“It is amazing how complete the delusion that beauty is goodness.”

-Tolstoy 

Gingerbread house

 

How to make a gingerbread house. 

1.)  Print instructions, gather ingredients.

2.)  Make house. 

3.)  Watch out for overly enthusiastic gingerbread house inspectors!

 

Babies

Interesting study done at Yale on babies and morality.  Fascinating ..

Flying

Traveling through the airports in America. Yikes. 

Got music?

Hawaiians out across the country.  That brought a smile...

Mercy

Probably the most compelling story for me, found in the Old Testament: the story of Hosea and Gomer. A tale of relentless love. Redemptive love.  An aching, suffering, enduring, and one-sided love.  Illustrative of God’s love for a wandering Israel, Hosea marries a woman of ill repute who will go on to put both of them through immense pain. It’s by far one of the most poignant stories in the Bible. What I find particularly compelling and interesting about the theme is in its contrast to the New Testament theme of being “equally yoked.”

This relationship of turmoil was about as "unequally yoked" as it gets, but in its establishment, ordained by God, it happens to serve a point, exposing how real love goes through great and painful lengths to express itself. When you think of him, and the suffering he went through, the last words that come to mind are “self-righteous”. His character, and the story - reveal the ultimate expression of mercy. Thematically, there are ties to the story of the Prodigal Son, although the relationship here is different. Interestingly, later on, Jesus references Hosea when he speaks about desiring mercy, not sacrifice.  A beautiful rendition of the story here.

Rest

So yesterday I found myself in Dixon, Illinois after a long drive. A small town in the middle of homespun Americana, guarded by a river that carefully wraps itself through the middle of a sleepy downtown, the river itself nestling up against Page Park. I went to see Mumford and Sons play. Big concerts with 15,000 people are a bit too much for me, though. At some point, I found myself in a hammock saddled up in between two trees in the park and started to read a book on childlike faith Mum had given me for my recent birthday - Dangerous Wonder - and watched a congregation of brown ducks bob down the river.

 
There were a lot of the local residents watching the concert from their riverboats, and it was a nice surprise to see folks in kayaks as well. They all hugged a listening spot to anchor, and the night looked like a pepper stew of polka dot lights in bloom cast upon the river. Classic. I think the song I enjoyed the most from Mumford was - I will wait. Was invited by a local pastor to a philosophical roundtable between him and some friends tonight - and looking forward to that - but it's been rescheduled until September. Good thing, as I'm exhausted! Have to pick up Silas on Tuesday and chaperone him for the day, and then he's off to Scotland!

Theology

So lately I had given some thought to the Calvinist / Arminian debate. There were a couple of points on the Calvinist Tulip theology that I had strong objections to, across a couple of levels, intellectually and emotionally. The debate between Calvanism and the Arminian school of thought is a difficult digest. The intersection of free will and predestination having spawned a vast catalogue of intellectual chess matches over the centuries. 

Obviously, if God predestines some for heaven and some for hell, the question can then be asked - of what consequence, value, or application is free will? Regarding Calvanism and Arminianism, it kinds of leads to me to think .. as fascinating and important as these theological arguments are .. God looks at the heart. 

Charles Spurgeon had a quote from one of his sermons that was interesting:

"The fact is, that the great questions about man's responsibility, free-will, and predestination, have been fought over, and over, and over again, and have been answered in ten thousand different ways; and the result has been, that we know just as much about the matter as when we first began. The combatants have thrown dust into each other's eyes, and have hindered each other from seeing; and then they have concluded, that because they put other people's eyes out, they could therefore see." 

Questions

Long days at work that roll into hot nights.

I had written a two page paper on the word deserve a month or two ago and shared it with some local pastors. Now that is really funny. I actually sat down and wrote a two page paper on the word deserve. Deserve pointing to merit, and qualification, and ultimately worth.

Tricky philosophical topic. And after it was all said and done, the see-saw of deconstructing the etymology, the implication, and so forth, there was still something gnawing at me. I think part of what had driven me to write the paper was a meditation on fear. Probably won't post that paper here, but let's just say this, so often when its used in the pulpit, the word that's more relevant, and seemingly more suited to the message - should be entitled.

And so then, after I had written the paper, I started to chew some more on it. Part of the impetus behind the paper was the question of what we are worth to God. And then at some point, perhaps it was driving through Columbus and passing Ohio State University .. the questions rearranged themselves, and a new question came out. Maybe I had the questions that had driven me to write a two page paper - backward.

Instead of asking the question of what we are worth to God, the real question I should have been asking myself all along is what God is worth to us. 

Consent

“Of all powers, love is the most powerful and the most powerless. It is the most powerful because it alone can conquer that final and most impregnable stronghold which is the human heart. It is the most powerless because it can do nothing except by consent.”

-Frederich Buechner

Suffering

Have been meditating on suffering lately. What if restoration or redemption was actually delivered through suffering? Suffering can be more of a teacher than prosperity. In its reductive capability. It reduces everything down to a minimum, to the essence, that we don't have  the answers, we don't have the distractions that can be delivered through prosperity. 

"When suffering sandblasts us to the core, the true stuff of which we are made is revealed. Suffering lobs a hand-grenade into our self-centeredness, blasting our soul bare—but then, we can be better bonded to the Savior."

-Joni Eareckson Tada